nunoncastors

Heh.

I am, unsurprisingly, not all that cheerful at the moment. That is to say that I’m pretty much keeping things together by will alone and, while that’s working out for the most part, it does have the unfortunate side effect of leaving me nothing in the tank to tolerate all the trivial shit that I’d usually ignore.

I’m currently finding it difficult, for example, to not just tell chuggers to fuck off, and to restrain myself from simply pushing people out of the way whom I deem to be ‘dithering about like a fucking moron. Dear lord, what the fuck are you for?’ I realise that this isn’t a massive departure from my usual demeanour but I’m beginning to worry that rather than biting my tongue, I’m just going to chew it off.

So it turns out that when people die everyone who knew them suddenly becomes an expert on what the deceased would say or do or think in almost any given situation. Quite how they know these myriad things is beyond me, why they feel the need to share their facile ruminations; baffling in the extreme. It is certain, however, that these tedious observations are really fucking irritating.

I was making a sandwich today, as you do, and for reasons unknown was treated to a whole slew of poorly informed statements regarding what my father used to think of sandwiches and what he’d say if he saw me making one. I didn’t quite have the heart to point out that what was being said was utter bullshit, but it did make me realise that sandwich making wasn’t the strangest topic I’d been lectured on of late.

I’m guessing that it’s something to do with the coping process but I can’t, as of yet, explain what the point of it is. You don’t do the same thing with the living, so why the dead?

Seems like a lot of effort though.

Thank you, Internet. Thank you so much.

Clicky.

Word.

Excellent.

Oh god. oh god, oh god.

There’s something about watching the ashes of someone you loved being emptied from a copper urn by a man in a Mac that makes you reassess life in very fundamental terms. There’s a sort of sneaking suspicion, when faced with the inevitability of mortality that you are, in some way, wasting your allotted hour to [...]

I’ve been sat here trying to think about the best way to approach this for a while now and, well, there isn’t one. There’s just the cold hard fact that my dad died the other day and, while words can’t really express what that’s like, I need to do something to take my mind off [...]