You may not have realised it but I’m down with shit, all kinds of shit. And I don’t mean excreta. Chip music? I was there before it was cool. Indeed I still am. No one ever seems to know what I’m on about when I try and discuss it; it’s a bit like cheese welding in that respect. Post-modern art happenings? You’d better believe I’m there with bells on. Sometimes literally. This? Man, I was there at the start. Wearing trousers? I’m so in with that scene you can scarcely stop me throwing a pair on in the morning. Ears? Yeah, I’ve got two. I don’t like to brag but they’re where it’s at if you’re in the know. You like a band? Yeah, I used to like them too until the sold out and got popular. Nothing is any good if other people like it.
Like I said, I’m down with shit. This week I was especially appreciative of Roy de Wired when he played down my local. The man makes playing a guitar look like the easiest thing in the world and I envy him a great deal. If only I were as smooth (in a non-tactile sense) as Roy and could produce glorious acoustic music using nothing more than my mouth and some bits of wire attached to some wood. A guitar I think they call it. Anyway, I suggest you check him out if you get the opportunity. He seems to endlessly play in bars around Nottingham and is well worth the no money it costs to hear him play.
Now, with the money you saved by not spending any when you go and see Roy, you can buy this. Buy it simply because it is the greatest thing ever invented by man. If you’ve any sense you’ll order one this instant. My mate Duncan did and we’ve already wasted six hours of our lives. Sensible Soccer truly is the game of kings. Kings and misty-eyed twenty-somethings with a penchant for all things old school.
Oh, and I can score from the half-way line. You know I’m down with that.
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