Monthly Archive for October, 2006

Halcyon days

For reasons unknown and uncared for, my mood becomes ever more pensive as the nights draw in and the days dwindle into bright stubs nestling between drowsy evenings spent by the fire. I know I’ve always been subject to this change of mood and manner. Memories of twilight hours passed as a child, watching flocks of Starlings pulse and spiral in the sky above my house lead to recollections of quiet moments in the park, strolls down country lanes and a certainty that this has always been so.

I realise that there is something unbearably saccharine about all of this; the positive distortion offered by hindsight tends to ruin all but the most vivid of reminiscences. There’s a tendency to paint them to be some wholesome moment of inner peace or quiet epiphany, strip out the truth and leave a glowing ember of fuzzy-jumpered warmth to make you feel better rather than accept the situation as it was.
If you peer behind all the cosy self-delusion you’re usually left with someone drawn to solitude at the closing of the year, at least in those moments where it isn’t pressed upon them, and a quiet consideration of the melancholy that the angst-ridden are wont to ponder. There’s nothing wrong with that per se, it could be that seasonal affective disorder is at work and the lack of daylight drives them to become more introspective than usual.

Whatever the case may be, I’ve been making the most of the solitude offered by the autumnal months by busying myself kicking through rusty-coloured leaves and meandering along the river on those nights where the sky couldn’t be clearer or the air sharper if they were cut glass. I’m still dour and cynical but there’s something about the season that allays my usual manner and prompts me to appreciate a sky that always seems more azure, an air that feels more bracing and an atmosphere of, well, anticipation.

Happy Halloween.

At no point did I nearly cry

I was invited along to the theatre on Saturday night to watch a play by Tennessee Williams. This is, as you may guess, not something I would normally do on a Saturday evening. Indeed, under almost any circumstance this is not something I would normally do. I think that it is for this reason that the whole experience was somewhat more edifying than several pints down the pub and a stint of badly coordinated dancing.

I can feel you raising questioning eyebrows and thinking thoughts along the lines of “what” and “really” upon discovering this and your sarcasm has been duly noted. Rest assured that it does make me feel all warm inside.

The thing is though, for someone so obsessed with books and words as to desire a personal library of their own creation, someone who is drawn to museums like a moth to a flame, I actually spend very little time doing anything overtly cultural. I enjoy gigs, plays, art installations and galleries. If you were to suggest that we should drive several miles to some long forgotten country house with the sole purpose of attending a craft fair where, amongst other things, there was a wide selection of homemade jams and chutney’s, I’d go. I’d go and I’d enjoy myself immensely. Yet for some reason I’d never think of going myself, which is odd really, when you think about it.

Anyway, the play was Summer and Smoke. It’s a tale of unrequited love and features a male protagonist who is a bit of a shit. I say this because he starts off as a rabble-rousing man about town, always on the lookout for number one and ends up a respected doctor with a beautiful fiancé. Why does this make him a shit? Well, he finally pulls himself together when his father is shot as a result of his idiocy and because the female protagonist, despite his generally oafish treatment of her, sticks by him.

Her reward for this unconditional affection is approximately fuck all. He even admits to his fiancé (ironically one of her young singing students) that she’s the main reason he sorted himself out. Their roles become transferred, he gets to be all respectable while she, whose only real fault was to blindly love someone, ends up going off with a travelling salesman in reference to a character, briefly mentioned (the fiancé’s mother) , who waits at the train station for every one that passes through.

What sort of happy ending is that? He gets to indulge himself throughout and comes out on top and she gets to be a spinster who indulges travelling salesmen. I’m quite angry with this fictional state of affairs; it strikes me as being grossly unfair and rather sad. Cynic that I am, I do still like to see happy endings and a modicum of justice now and again and I couldn’t really find either here because they either weren’t there to be found or because my interpretation of the whole shebang is flawed. I suspect the latter but that doesn’t particularly placate me.

Obviously the fact that I am so annoyed is undoubtedly a good thing; it means the actors succeeded admirably in their aim to engage people’s emotions. Even better, it hints that the production is a good one. Indeed I suggest you try and see it if at all possible. Just don’t expect everyone to be happy at the end.

I certainly did not sniffle at any point.

Demands

I demand that we all go here and do this immediately.

Then we can all swan around being generally scornful of modern art and have an overpriced lunch in the Big Smoke. Assuming that’s the correct pseudonym for London obviously.

What do you mean, no? Give me one good reason why not. It had better be a good reason too, I intend to use flawed arguments against it.

Queen - These Are the Days of Our Lives

Sometimes I get to feelin’
I was back in the old days - long ago
When we were kids when we were young
Thing seemed so perfect - you know
The days were endless we were crazy we were young
The sun was always shinin’ - we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don’t know
The rest of my life’s been just a show

Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing is true
When I look and I find I still love you

You can’t turn back the clock you can’t turn back the tide
Ain’t that a shame
I’d like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sitting and thinkin’ on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don’t know
Better sit back and go with the flow

Cos these are the days of our lives
They’ve flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find no change

Those were the days of our lives - yeah
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing’s still true
When I look and I find
I still love you

I still love you