nunoncastors

I’m not noted for my ability to stick to stick to the schedules and patterns that seem synonymous with modern living; I’m too prone to distraction and jaunts along tangents for any of that. A fine example of this would be the fact that I’ve just written the word tangent and, while there’s nothing particularly remarkable about that, it has nonetheless caused me to think about the word ‘tangential’ and if, secretly, it’s just a compound of ‘tangerine’ and ‘genitals’. From that starting point a great deal of time has been wasted wondering if people would eat quite so much fruit if each individual piece had a proportionally sized phallus. That led to a quickly quashed thought about why the fruit would have phalli and not lady-parts.

Then I had a phone-call.

I ignored the phone-call because my caller ID indicated someone who is almost 100% certain to whinge at me instead of sorting out their own problems. I don’t know why this is, but there you go. It isn’t that I’m a bad friend, I’m actually quite a good one, but rather the case that this person actually does nothing but whine about problems they could fix themselves. I find this irritating. Anyway, that set me wondering if ignoring a call from someone you know is going to be whinging about fuck-all, makes you rude. It doesn’t by the way; it actually makes shrewd. This sounds similar to, has some of the same letters as, and even rhymes with, rude. But it isn’t the same thing at all. That isn’t to say you can’t be rude and shrewd, they’re not mutually exclusive conditions, but I was definitely one and not the other. At least, I was in this particular circumstance.

Of course, that sort of thing is all about perspective isn’t it? That set me pondering the various philosophical missives on perception and the nature of reality which, in turn, caused a brief spell of panic and doubt as to whether I really exist. I think I probably do, at least most of the time anyway. Sometimes, just as I’m drifting off to sleep, I get the indistinct impression that I’m fading away to nothing. In a way, I quite enjoy the sensation but can’t help wonder if maybe I’m the flip-side of a coin. If, as I drift off to sleep, my dreams result in someone or something else awakening only to fade away themselves as I stir to waken they lay down to dream.

I don’t particularly like this train of thought as I can’t figure out if I’m the result of them or they’re the result of me, or both. It sets me thinking about Janus, the Roman god with two faces and from there the ancient belief in balance and time being circular. It seems reasonable to assume that the idea of time being circular, often depicted in the form of a wheel or a serpent eating its own tail, springs from the observable cycle of spring, summer, autumn, winter and the phases of the moon or our orbit round the sun. You can’t say that that’s definitely where the belief came from as there’s no one still alive to ask, it’s probably the case though. Which makes you think really, with the possibility of the big bang ending in a big crunch and the cycle kicking off again, how much those fellows really knew and if they just couldn’t be bothered writing it down.

To be fair, they probably didn’t know that much and I’ve just been watching too much Stargate SG-1 recently.

You know, for reasons I can’t quantify, I really enjoy Sci-Fi. This almost certainly has something to do with the power of stereotypes and the fact that I work in I.T. I’m not so sure about this myself, I think it has more to do with escapism and a desire to ignore the real world every now and again. I don’t particularly like the real world, I find it lacking in wizards, dragons, magic, nymphs, ancient prophecies and so on. For all its myriad wonders I can’t help but be dismayed by the inherent awfulness of the human condition. I don’t see why bad things should happen to good people or, indeed, why good and bad should merely be perspectives. But then, who would set the boundaries and how could they be judged to be suitable, right?

I should probably lighten up.

Though, recently I’ve had it pointed out that, while for the most part I’m quite severe and serious with regards to my pursuits, I have a curious and unexpected soft spot for whimsy. Some of my tastes are, for want of a more fancy word, incongruous with my general demeanour. Lucy, for example, was surprised to find out that I enjoy the music of Madness. Listing them as one of my favourite bands was apparently unexpected as usually I listen to weird, underground-indie and bleepy techno. I suppose you can never really tell what people are into. Likewise my housemate, upon discovering my fondness for Stargate SG-1 pointed out that, “this is usually the sort of shit you tear to pieces” before summarising that I, “must watch it because it’s crap. It’s some sort of post-modern irony thing for you isn’t it?”

I was also caught by one of my housemates reading Pride & Prejudice. We won’t go into that. Suffice to say that, apparently, reading it makes me a shirt lifter.

Conveniently, this is my point. At least, it’s my point in that I don’t really have one. You see, I’m easily distracted by anything my rambling mind finds interesting and often, in the middle of writing posts for this site, I’ll start reading a book or go for a walk or once, shave off my beard leaving only a luxuriant goatee. You know, just because.

I suppose I could try to sum up this missive and say that looks can be deceiving. I say this because, while nothing I’ve written here today has anything to do with my continuingly infrequent presence on this site or the internet at large, or because I don’t give the impression that I enjoy romantic literature or anything that isn’t sober and grave, it doesn’t mean I’m not taking an interest or paying attention.

Just in time for Christmas eh?