nunoncastors

There are at least two days in a month where my mood will swing from its usual glassy plain of quiet malevolence to a place of outright malice and bile. During this time it can be safely said that I dislike everything and everyone most vehemently and would benefit greatly from being left alone, miles from any other person, until the pendulum swings back and I can resume masking the more supercilious aspects of my personality again.

Unfortunately this never happens at a weekend, when I’d be able to avoid people with relative ease, but during the week, at work, when I’m surrounded by a thousand tiny irritants I have no way of avoiding. Today is one of those days.

Thus far:

07:40 – Wake up to the sound of alarm clock being a noisy bastard. Decide that all modern music is shit because the first thing I hear it playing is an R&B track about Nigger’s, Bitches and Ho’s – their words, not mine – there were also some diamonds mentioned. Fucking rubbish.

Mood: Irritable.

08:08 – Having had a shower and dried off, somehow snag silk tie on a clothes hanger and pull a thread. Snap wooden clothes hanger in half for being a shit and dump it in the bin, which tips over. Kick bin across the room, the awkward bastard.

Mood: Grim.

08:15 – 08:50 – Walk to work and brood. Become inordinately angry that someone has defaced the war memorial, wish painful and harrowing death upon them and their ilk. Walk straight through a group of chavs hogging the entire pavement and issuing insults to passers by. Threaten over-the-top retaliation if they so much as look at me again.

Mood: Seething.

08:51 – Get pestered by man with no brain about something that has fuck all to do with me before I’ve even made it to my desk. Issue one word answers in a tone that cannot be perceived as anything other than threatening.

Mood: Hateful.

09:35 – Am issued orders by someone thinking they’re more important than they are because they’ve been at the company for years, receive snide comments from said person for unknown reason.

Mood: Vindictive.

09:40 – Delete all personal files from snide person’s computer. Half a gig of photographs, mp3’s and videos wiped, access locked down so that only work related actions can be performed on said computer. False browsing history inserted into IE, neutered Trojan dropped onto the box and used as reason for loss of files and justification for the lock down. User told ‘diddums’ when complaining.

Mood: Grimly satisfied.

10:17 – Man with no brain asks nth pointless question of the day having already wasted my time by locking his user account, making up problems that don’t exist and trying to engage me in conversation. Put forth the full force of my loathing by willing him to die, right here, right now. Sadly, man keeps talking. Mind powers fail me again. Bastards.

Mood: Beyond vitriol.

10:20 – 12:45 – Series of trivial and therefore annoying things go wrong, culminating in my spending 20 minutes in the server room calming down before everything goes horribly wrong and I start shouting at people. Discover that being asked if I’m ok increases the foulness of my mood tenfold. Shoelaces have begun to piss me off along with anyone who speaks, makes a noise or is near me.

Mood: Bubbling wrath.

13:00 – Eating my lunch on Market Square, a canvasser starts trying to solicit money from me for orphaned puppies or some shite. Explode. Point out that I’m eating my lunch, am having a shitty day and that the last thing that I want is to have some clipboard wielding gimp attempt to guilt-trip me into donating five pounds a month to a worthy cause. It’s called charity because people do it out of the goodness of their hearts, voluntarily, not because some twat corners them and bleats on about giving five minutes of their time and helping out. How about leaving people the fuck alone and if they want to give, they will.

Mood: That calm place on the other side of fury.

Tomorrow, hopefully, the loathing will have gone away and I’ll be able to interact properly with people again.