nunoncastors

ZOMG!!!!111!!one!!!111Twelve!!!2111Eleventyone! Jay-Z is headlining and, in doing so, apparently heralding the end of the best thing in the entire world because Glastonbury hasn’t evolved into a poseur’s paradise over recent years and completely lost sight of its folky-rocky roots. No. Not at all.

I understand that Milly and Jonty are aghast that some ruffian is going to be allowed to ‘Hip and Hop’ all over the main stage, so much so that they’ve cancelled their hamper from Fortnum and Masons. The festival veterans fully intend to boycott the festival as ‘it’s changed so much since our first time in 2006*’ and they, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Christ, the amount of furore this has created is ridiculous. Believe it or not, but Glastonbury has been going downhill since the late nineties thanks to the march of commercialisation and marketing, it isn’t an alternative festival anymore folks; shock horror. Mind you, if you like the idea of massive security fences, random theft and tedious overwrought posing for several weeks after it’s finished, it’s probably still for you.

Me, I stopped going the year they put the fences up because I’m an inverted-poseur who likes to shun things. I mean, yes, it’s a victim of its own popularity, which is unfortunate, but that’s not really an excuse for the direction the festival has been heading. Obviously the various musical factions (who fight with licks and riffs) have been bleating at each other about why Jay-Z should and shouldn’t be there, terms like ‘fascist’ and ‘music-Nazi’ have no doubt already been used in the argument, which is pointless, ultimately the festival isn’t as it once was and those who hanker for the ‘golden years’ should avail themselves of one of the many little festivals that have sprung up, mushroom-like, in it’s shadow.

Believe it or not, many of them are now closer to the original spirit of Glastonbury than the festival itself, who’d have thought?

Yet still we have to endure the constant, glaring presence of Glastonbury, like some vast and looming monolith because, as we’re constantly told, ‘it’s amazing’ and you have to have been there to understand.

I’ve have, I do, and it’s over-hyped. It’s fun, yes, but it’s just a festival, one that isn’t as good as it used to be. Still, if you’re terminally precious and dim, you should go, you’ll probably still like it. Just please, please, don’t go on about it.

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*Before you type your comment, I know there was no festival in 2006, that’s the point; I’m being all clever and satirical-like. It took some effort mind you; I broke out in a sweat and everything.