Daily Archive for July 18th, 2008

Blackout Crew part two

A while ago I made this post about what I assumed to be a novelty act, a sort of Cheeky Girls for the Urban Chav; little did I know that it would generate an upsurge in traffic. As I write this, as of ten thirty-two on Friday the eighteenth, the most commonly used keywords that bring people to this site are +blackout and +crew, which is nice, but at the same time, not.

I say not because, well, there’s poetry and songs and other esoteric delights on this site (not counting the load of bollocks that I’ve written) and the most commonly accessed post is the one featuring dancing monkeys.

Granted, I only really write for my own amusement, and to stave off another razor wielding escapade, but it’s a little dispiriting to find that I’ve had more referrals for our tracksuit wearing friends than I’ve ever had for Shakespeare. I mean, hopefully one will eventually lead to the other, variety being the spice of life an’ all, but still…

Anyway, apologies if you happen to be an aficionado of the Blackout Crew passing through these humble pages, I don’t mean to cause offence, it’s just that they’re a shit version of Blazin’ Squad* and should pack it in now, while they still have some shame left. d{^_^}b

*I jest. Blackout Crew are far superior† in terms of both flow and harmony.

† Sorry, jesting again, they’re both shit. Here’s some P.M Dawn.

Having a larf

Police-recorded crime down by 9%

Police-recorded crime in England and Wales fell 9% in the 12 months to March, latest figures suggest.The first-ever reliable figures for knife crime showed there were 22,000 offences last year.They also show that while the risk of being a victim is at its lowest ever level, people still think that the rate is going up.Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said she was “extremely pleased” with the overall reduction.The annual crime report for 2007-2008 reveals the longest recorded period of falling crime - down 48% from 1995.

It shows there were five million recorded crimes. All the main categories were down but gun crime was up 2% and murder was up 3%.

Home Office experts say the figures show that offences are concentrated in hotspots and not evenly spread around England and Wales.

They also say the figures mirror trends in falling crime seen throughout the developed world.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said: “The government’s priority is to build on what we have achieved so that everyone feels improvement.

“We are firmly committed to deliver further reductions in the crimes that most concern people, particularly violence involving knives and guns.”

She acknowledged that “knives are still being used in the most serious violent incidents” and the Youth Crime Action plan published this week was part of a wider package of measures aimed at tackling the problem.

Serious violent crimes involving a blade have previously been bundled with other attacks, but since April last year officers have recorded them separately in light of growing public concern.

Police recorded 22,151 offences involving knives last year in England and Wales, including grievous bodily harm, attempted murder, woundings and robbery.

The statistics include a force-by-force breakdown of knife crime, with the highest number of offences - 7,409 - recorded in London.

Speaking about the knife crime figures, Prime Minister Gordon Mr Brown said he wanted to make carrying a blade as “unacceptable” as having a gun on the streets.

“It is because we have identified the problem of knife crime, and particularly in some hotspots of the country, that we have stepped up our action dramatically,” he said.

“We will do everything in our power to prevent people having knives.”

Source: BBC News

Got that? Jacqui Smith is “extremely pleased” with the overall reduction in crime.

Lets continue.

Fall in crime rate defies the rise of knife culture

Ministers will defy public concern over gang violence by claiming today that crime is falling at a record rate.

Even before the final figures for the British Crime Survey (BCS) were in, Whitehall officials had already begun drawing up plans to trumpet the reduction in offences, The Times has learnt.

The survey, published today, will state that crime is falling in all 43 police forces in England and Wales and that the Government has exceeded its key target of cutting offences by more than 15 per cent since 2003. Its release comes at a time when the credibility of official statistics is being questioned. Senior police are worried about shortcomings in recording two major areas: knife and gun crime.

Despite a recent series of stabbings, the survey will conclude that knife crime is stable. The researchers interview 47,000 people aged 16 and over about their experience of crime over the previous 12 months. They cannot capture the extent of knife crime because they do not interview under16s.

Other figures to be released today will show that police recorded about 20,000 serious offences involving knives last year, including grievous bodily harm, attempted murder, woundings and robbery. It is the first time such figures have been collected.

The BCS will show that violent crime is down but that drug offences are up. The Times understands that it will show a fall in offences from 12.3 million in 2002-03 to about 10.3million in 2007-08. It will be argued that crime has fallen by 30 per cent since Labour came to power in 1997.

At a meeting of the National Policing Board in May - minutes of which have been seen by The Times - ministers and civil servants discussed how best to promote their message. Sir David Normington, Permanent Secretary at the Home Office, “congratulated all concerned on a remarkable performance” and the meeting “discussed the lack of recognition that had been given to such impressive figures”.

Stephen Cahill, of the Police and Crime Standards Unit, said that the Government should “claim success”. He added: “Resources would be committed to getting the message across.”

Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, told the meeting that congratulations were in order and said she hoped that there would be more public recognition of the cut in crime.

The survey will reignite the debate on the validity of crime figures. Sir Ian Blair, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, complained last month that the public did not believe crime statistics because they were compiled in an absurd and bewildering way.

He said in a lecture: “In London, there is almost no public faith in the crime figures.”

The commissioner called for a new set of “simple and credible” statistics. He is one of several police chiefs who have warned ministers of “the paucity of information on guns” and called for a concerted intelligence effort to discover where criminals get guns.

Assistant Chief Constable Jon Murphy, who is working on a policing project to develop a clearer picture of organised crime and gang activity, told The Times: “A lot of weapons have been seized over the last 12 months. But has that affected the level of gun crime? No, it hasn’t. We don’t know how many there are [in criminal hands].”

Ministers and the Home Office insist that the British Crime Survey gives a better reflection of crime in England and Wales than police figures, which cover only offences reported to officers. However, by not interviewing under16s the survey misses the extent of juvenile crime. Nor does it include crimes committed against businesses.

Marian Fitzgerald, Visiting Professor of Criminology at the University of Kent, said that the survey also failed to capture the extent of violence because of difficulties in gaining access to households in high-crime areas. She said: “The people who are most at risk of crime and serious violent crime are young men in inner cities. For the last decade social surveys have found it difficult to get into these areas.”

As a result, she said, the survey offered a more comforting picture to ministers about the extent of violence.

The Government will publish plans today for police reform, including giving elected mayors control over local policing services. The move is intended to encourage a greater take-up among local councils of directly elected mayors. A bureaucracy czar is to be appointed with the aim of cutting police paperwork and getting more officers on to the streets. There will also be direct elections for some members of police authorities who currently operate as watchdogs to local forces.

Source: Times Online

They really don’t have a fucking clue, do they?

Bill Bailey - The Leg of Time

The jester hops on the leg of time,
The scourge of the wizard nation.
Magical chanting is no crime,
When you’re suckled by a blind Alsatian.
Who stole the leg of time?

Seen through the eyes of Murgar’s kestrel.
Where’s the tiny mouse? There it is
Ah ha ha
Ah ha ha

Ride a white pig to the edge of Lapland.
Why did I do that?
Why did I do that?
I don’t know.

Who stole the leg of time?
When time had one leg it couldn’t march.
It stopped.
It hopped.
Who stole the leg of time?

Was it the wizards? No
Was it the goblins? No
Was it the elves? No
Was it the dwarves? Nooo
Was it the kestrels? No
Was it the satyrs? No
Was it the brain police? What?

Was it the man with the key to the door of reality,
Underneath the mat of insignificance? Nope

Well, who was it then?
Was it the terrorists? No
Was it the pterodactyls? No

It was Terry!
Terry!
Terry stole the leg of time

Cockney Medley!

Oh Terry you slag you nicked the leg of time
Give it back before you get a slap.
Take it down the dog and duck and leave it behind the bar
Or you’ll get a slap sunshine

Don’t give me no rabbit!
Leave it behind the bar
Get off me sister
Leave it behind the bar
Give me half a pound
Leave it behind the bar…

Who stole the leg of time?
Terry stole the leg of time.