I was tired last night, very tired, and I passed out with the light on at around twelve-thirty-ish. Then, at around 1am, I woke up. At least, I think I woke up, I’m not really sure because it all went a bit strange.
I was definitely asleep, definitely, and sprawled across the bed as usual. Then, gradually, I came-to in that muzzy, uncertain state you fall into when your body wakes you for matters of necessity – you know what I mean, it’s that state of consciousness that propels you without direct input from you brain, like when you wake up in the morning and your glass of water is empty but you don’t recall drinking it – and remember thinking that I’d left my computer on because I could see Azureus ticking away, downloading.
A part of me was evidently sufficiently awake to want to turn off the Bat Computer and save our electricity bill because it proposed moving my arm. It was at around this point that the rest of my body helpfully pointed out that something was pressing down on every part of me and that movement wasn’t an option. Indeed, the only parts of my body able to move appeared to be eyelids, my fingers and, with some wiggling, my toes. My mouth wouldn’t even open because it felt like hands were holding it shut.
Curiously, I didn’t panic. I tried to move my arm again and, when that failed, I tried to roll over. Satisfied that I really couldn’t move I ran through what could be wrong with me. I felt ok, so ruled out paralysis or some medical complaint like a seizure; I supposed it could be a dream, albeit an odd one, but then I started to become more aware and something really didn’t feel right. I was in bed alone, in the same position that I went to sleep in, my door was still shut and my light was still on, but the room didn’t feel empty.
Does that make sense?
Anyway, I started to panic a little because, dreaming or not, I’d started putting pieces together and it was starting to feel like I was being held down by someone I couldn’t see (I sleep on my front) and couldn’t feel beyond a weight holding me down. It wasn’t nice. I could see my arm sticking out from under the covers but I couldn’t move it and, though nothing appeared to be holding it down, it felt for all the world as though someone were laying across it. To be honest, I fully expected to see – I don’t know – something, in my peripheral vision beyond the ceiling.
Years ago, I think I would have been terrified, last night I was just pissed off with all the fucking about whether it was a nightmare or not. I made a final attempt to move and when the pressure on top of me increased to the extent that it felt difficult to breathe I resorted to growling abuse.
Initially this had no effect but, after a minute or two, I found I could move freely again and the weight vanished. The room still didn’t feel empty however, and I resisted the urge to roll over on the off-chance that I’d see something I wouldn’t like.
Trippy.
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