nunoncastors

Driving to work this morning I had an epiphany, I know why our roads are so congested, it’s so simple. It has nothing to do with the number of cars on the road, the phasing of traffic lights, or even the physical capacity of the infrastructure itself, it’s all down to a small cadre of wankers.

As I trundled along the ring road this morning, stuck in heavy traffic, I assumed that the schools must be back, or maybe the local farmers were chugging about with freshly harvested crops. I was wrong. The problem was, in fact, some arsewit in their Ford Focus and their belief that thirty-five is an acceptable speed for a main road. This one person was responsible for a tailback of around sixty vehicles, the knock-on effect thereof, and a marked decline in my mood. This set me to thinking.

The majority of road users put their foot down and get where they’re going with the minimum amount of fuss, a select few however, don’t. What this minority does is pootle along, without a care in the world, and make life shit for the rest of us. You know who they are, they’re the person who screeches out in front of you on a roundabout only to instantly dawdle along at twenty-five, they’re the tit that believes they’re driving safely while forgetting to indicate, they’re the person who mooches along at five miles an hour because they don’t know where they’re going, they’re the person who suddenly slams on their anchors and then, with all the speed and grace of a glacier, turns right against traffic instead of swinging ‘round the roundabout. They’re the stupid, the inconsiderate and the slow.

If we could only hunt down and kill these people, traffic congestion would be gone overnight.