I’ve stated my conviction that there are more people in my head than just me on a few occasions now. Curiously, the whole concept is no longer a concern, not really, nor is it a particularly serious statement of worry; I think I may just be obsessed with the way consciousness works and the division between the conscious and subconscious mind. What with everyone’s mind working in different ways, I think it’s possible that I’m not actually unbalanced in any real sense; it’s just the case that mine works somewhat more differently than most. A part of me feels that that’s the worst sort of egotism, the idea that I’m in some way different or *ahem* ‘special’, but what’s a man to do?
Anyway, at best my concerns aren’t actually separate entities; they’re just various iterations of myself possessed, as it were, of a greater degree of independence than could reasonably be expected. I don’t know if anyone else has songs running through their head all day, or listens to stories told by yourself to yourself – only not quite – but I do, and it can be a little odd at times. Often there’s the sensation that it isn’t just me looking out on the world and there’s some sort of internal discussion going that I’m not privy to until a decision’s been reached.
That doesn’t make any sense does it? No, thought not. Still, this rambling nonsense has been prompted by the recent feeling that something isn’t quite right, y’know? Not with me, but a general sense of foreboding and the occasional flicker of memories that I’m not convinced belong in my head. There’s been an irritating monologue too, mumbling along and intermittently and drowning out the usual songs and stories, I think I object to that more.
Obviously, this is the most ridiculous delusional toss, but it does set me wondering about the intricacies of the human psyche and what other’s have to put up with, surely not everyone’s like this?
Unfortunately, this is the very reason I saw the Doc today.
Really? Do tell.
This time of year is never too great for me.
And yes, I have the loving family but it’s always been a bit stiff upper lip…wouldn’t have wanted to worry them anyway, so you keep quiet and that grows and you attempt to sort things out by yourself.
The darker mornings, the darker evenings. I have to really work hard to keep afloat, to face irrational thoughts of impending doom.
It’s not deep. I just get scared.
I was scared as a child. I just wanted a hug and for someone to say, hey, it’s okay
I have a strong imagination and it can play havoc.
Also, for the first time, I’ve lost faith in people and thats a shock to me. We learn.
Anyway, blood tests next week.
Now, needles I can deal with
Interesting.
Autumn always brings a feeling of fresh start to me, a thrilling joy every morning when I see the fog outside and the bright colours of the woods on the hills at the horizon.
That, however, doesn’t mean I don’t have irrational thoughts of impending doom. I am basically made of those. ;]
Isn’t it good/weird that we are all different.
I’m basically rubbish with change and fog makes me feel I can’t breathe.
Oh GOSH, why can’t I be hard. I shall think of you Arien, loving the fog and it might change my perspective
Otherwise, I’m off to a greek isle.
I dislike greek isles..;] I dislike almost everything mediterranean.
The heat and white rocky landscapes everywhere and lack of broadleaved trees, grass, and greenery in general..i need moderate to above average humidity with fogs in the morning, whole forests of trees that become colourful in autumn, green grass everywhere and sometimes I even like to wear mittens and long coats to prevent freezing my ass and fingers off..;]
Yeah, I’m not much of a fan of the mediterranean either. I’m all about greenery and forests and misty Autumn mornings ^_^
Yay for those indeed.
Okay forest dwellers, I shall wander the Med on my own!
We’ll still visit, it’s just that I find it too hot for year ’round living.
Oh thanks!!! I like trees too. Remember, all my childhood holidays were camping in forests in Dutchyland and rented cottages by gorse bushes in Sark and forever climbing wet, dewy mountains in mid -wales…I think I’ve had my fill.
Perhaps a meeting in Barcelona, I like it there.
I don’t even like it for a vacation.;]
Barcelona’s lovely though. I quite like Vallencia too.
Oh, I’ve been to Barcelona.
I liked it.
Too hot though. ;]
I’m taking a light bath…join if you so wish
Never!
Fair enough. Not good if you have sensitive eyes.
True, also, I secretly like being as bit gloomy sometimes.