I be a Pirate!
The anti-piracy lobbyists would have you believe that going to the cinema is an experience worth paying for, that it is a somehow superior environment in which to enjoy a film. This, as I’m about to go on at length about, is utter bollocks.
Last night I went to see Terminator Salvation, the most ridiculous film ever made. John Connor, it would seem, has become a complete tit who seems to think that clubbing a terminator with the butt of a rifle will have some sort of effect beyond breaking your rifle. Mind you, he also seems to think you can restart a heart by dropping on someone’s chest with your elbow while screaming ‘COME ON!’ but that’s beside the point.
What is the point is that I paid £7.50 last night instead of downloading a copy of the film and, for my money, received little beyond tedium and irritation. You might think, being in the cinema already, that they’d perhaps ease off with the anti-piracy adverts given you’ve already paid the requisite fee to ‘enjoy the experience’. But no, five minutes of tedious shit implying that downloading movies will kill babies while having poor picture quality and sound that will give you aids had to be endured before…
ADVERTS! Half-a-fucking-hour of advertisements filled with people trying to sell me shit I don’t want, don’t need and can quite happily live without. Consume and be happy? No thanks, how about you take your cans of Pepsi and your Daz SUPER AWESOME and fucking shove it.
Then, of course, there were the trailers for other films in the hope, presumably, that I’ll want to come back and watch some more adverts in the future. This seems unlikely.
Your choices, then, would appear to be simple. You can spend money that you’ve slaved away earning on massively overpriced snacks that taste like ass, forty minutes of continuous marketing, twenty minutes of uninspiring film snippets, messages that have no meaning and, finally, a film that is probably going to disappoint the shit out of you. Or, you could download the film while doing other things you want to do, avoid all the shit-filled preamble of ‘the experience’ and, if you like it, buy the DVD later and still be branded a thief.
Not exactly a difficult choice, is it?
Well, you could just go see films that aren’t going to be epic fail. Personally I’m actually quite a big fan of the cinema, and whilst the product adverts piss me off, I like seeing trailers for new films. However I don’t go to the cinema just for the sake of it, and only go when there’s something I actually want to see. This means I mostly manage to miss out on being utterly disappointed, although it’s not a foolproof plan. It can be expensive (student card FTW
) but I still like it in a rather old-fashioned way, to the extent that I almost want to see Pathé Newsreels before the film.
And yes, I am only 25.
The thing is, how do you know a film isn’t going to be epic fail until you’ve seen it? They’re like Schrödinger’s cat until that point.
I paid £25 or something crazy for two tickets to see The Hangover at Vue in Leicester Square, London on a Sunday afternoon. Golly gosh!
I wasn’t too happy about paying that amount of money, but was assured it was worth it because we were in the premier screen. What the beeheebiejeebies is different about the premier screen from all the other f’ing screens? Diddly-squat from what I could tell (it was dark, after all!).
Anyway, cinema’s are hit and miss. No…films are hit and miss. Cinemas are bonk.
Incidentally, Maltesers are on offer at Sainsburys at the moment. £2 for the big bags. They say ‘More to Share’ on them, but ignore that. One bag per person!
That is all.
P.S. The Hangover was funnier than the trailer. Made a nice change.
Good tip on the Maltesers there *om nom nom*
Also, I was similarly surprised by The Hangover being funnier than it’s trailer and quite pleased that I paid to go and see it as a result. Transformers 2, markedly less so.